WEEKLY DISPATCH: Why do so many of our Grantees have ADHD?
And what does it tell us about change making?
Drop Dead Generous is a social experiment giving 1,000 people $500 to pay forward through an act of kindness. These ‘Weekly Dispatches’ are the reflections and insights we gather as we go. Subscribe to join the experiment (if you haven’t already) or submit an idea to apply for one of our grants. Unsubscribe whenever you wish.
Many of our grantees share with us that they have ADHD.
An extraordinary amount, in fact.
Why?
At first John and I chalked this down to coincidence or frequency illusion, given both of us have it too. But this didn’t feel right. And when you have ADHD and something doesn’t feel right - you want to do something about it. And is that right there a big clue as to why our community of grantees, as well as those who work more broadly in activism, advocacy and allyship, skew heavily as people who have it?
When you have ADHD and something doesn’t feel right - you want to do something about it.
But before we try to answer this, let’s first explore why people tell us in the first place. And why, albeit with a bit of trepidation, it makes me so happy when they do.
Relative to 2010, by 2018 ADHD diagnoses had increased 20 fold in men and 15 fold in women (the most recent and credible data I could find). So to some degree we’re hearing this more because, well, a load more people know they have it.
This partly explains why it feels like the whole world and their dog suddenly has ADHD. It’s certainly true that there are more voices. But it’s also true that these voices speak up. Pop to the pub or pick a random podcast and within minutes someone will be telling you they have it. They want desperately for you to know what they know. In my case, I want you to know because even knowing that you have ADHD can be life a changing piece of information. Life saving, maybe.
A depressing experience of undiagnosed ADHD
Up until recently my life has been a relentless game of ping pong. I’ve bounced from dark, dank periods of depression, to a happy, imaginative and giving kind of 80’s kid - and back again. Over and over again. It’s clear to me now that ADHD is both to blame and to thank for this.
Depression first hit when I was 17 and returned every few years. Over time I recognised its process. It starts with stress - rarely caused by anything worse than what we all go through and for this reason, shame becomes the predominant emotion. Then overwhelm follows as I struggle to work through the stress and the shame compounds itself exponentially. Next comes a numbness perhaps found down the easiest path away from feeling anything at all. This stage, by far and away, is the worst part. In these periods of detachment I’ve intentionally driven as fast as I can right off the road… and felt nothing at all. I’ve had family members rush home if they can’t contact me even if for just a few minutes. And I’ve crawled literally on my hands and knees into the doctors surgery begging for help. Finally, I sleep. Three or four days pass, waking only for an hour or two, before I can finally get up and start rebuilding myself again. Then I’m ready to have another go at life. Before the next time.
When I learnt about my ADHD 18 months ago I immediately believed I was unlikely to fall as low as I have before. Anywhere near as low, in fact. I hired a coach, Sam Bramwell, who’s brilliant. She helped me understand my susceptibility to stress and my relationship with shame, and with that knowledge (and some tweaks in life) I can now recognise and deal with stress before it overwhelms me, let alone numbs me and shuts me down.
Wrongly, I think, some suggest ADHD can explain misdiagnosed depression. But the depression is real, at least for me. It’s just that when ADHD is there and undiagnosed - it can easily become evitable. Assuming I continue the work, an adulthood of medication, therapy and pain are behind me. I’m sure of it.
Anyway, I want you to know this. That’s my point. Because if you experience depression but have ADHD unknowingly then that doesn’t feel right to me. It’s a devasting injustice, frankly. In this case, “doing something about it” can perhaps be as simple as opening up about my experience. Hence me doing it here (thank you for hearing me out).
But truthfully, this same sense of injustice can spark even the biggest wimp into action - when it hit me that 8,000 people in the UK were dying on the waiting list for a kidney, I donated one of mine to one of them. Someone I’d never met and never will do. Because it was fair.
If I were to meet ADHD in person, would I demand an apology or hand it a thank you card? I don’t know.
ADHD & “Justice Sensitivity”
I’m fortunate to have had an experience from my diagnosis that feels so instantly transformational. But I’ve met many people in the same boat but on rougher seas, not yet able to point to the improvements and often feeling worse and more lost than before their diagnosis. It’s not an easy ride which is why language describing ADHD as a ‘superpower’ can feel so invalidating to some.
Which is why I’m so inspired by people like Becki (Grantee #0157). She submitted an idea earlier this year in support of her best friend struggling with the symptoms of ADHD. We jumped on a call and she told me that she also has ADHD. “How are you coping?”, I asked. “Not great”, she replied. Yet it was her friend she was focused on.
“Justice sensitivity” is a key ADHD trait, driving a need for fairness and action against injustice. Becki looking out for her friend - eventually getting her a coach and gathering their friends to celebrate her amazingness - despite her own challenges with ADHD, is this playing out for good. What’s no surprise is that her career is also dedicated to service, working as she does as a Senior Policy Advisor for the UK government on Animal Welfare. Justice is her fuel and these are the people we want driving.
When Harry and Meghan got married, activists rallied around the homeless community in Windsor worried that they’d be brushed under the carpet for the TV cameras. 9 in every 10 of these activists also had ADHD. I’m told that those close to Extinction Rebellion tell me the entire group of founders have ADHD too.
Where there is change being made there are likely those with ADHD nearby. So it’s no surprise we attract’em. These types. We’re giving cash grants to address whatever injustice you feel. It’s money to do something. And ADHDers are compelled to do.
Do the thing
No one person is more inherently giving than the other - we’re just lubricated by different things. Just as injustice drives this community, so does a million other motivators drive everyone else. Lived experiences, pursuit of purpose, adventure, duty, skill, connection. Find yours and you’re off. All change makers have one thing in common - they’ve found a way to try.
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We're a micro business built on undiagnosed generational ADHD and autism. I think 3 of our 5 directors are diagnosed, and the other 2 are undiagnosed but highly spicy. Its so interesting to learn that you are both ADHD too. I feel Drop Dead Generous offer might be the most ADHD attracting thing ever. The colours, the branding, the pace, the speed, the trust, heart on sleeves, the visibility. Pure dopamine and I'm 100% in.